Why, People?

I've been known to sport a piercing or two from time to time. I like tattoos, but mostly on other people because it's just more of a commitment than I want to make to any one picture or design. So, when I followed a link from Mental Floss to a list of body modifications the writer had found particularly disturbing, I expected to see some pretty out-there practices on there. Most of them, however, were pretty vanilla--earlobe stretching, tongue forking, subdermal implants (like fake horns), branding, jewelry implanted into the first layer of the eye, corneal tattooing (but not, oddly enough, the ridiculous practice of getting a tat on the inside of your mouth).

And then I saw pearling. A little known fact about me: a true New England girl, I love pearls, and would probably be the happiest girl alive to receive a single strand of black pearls or a single black pearl on a silver chain as a gift (say, for an upcoming holiday). Pearling, however, has very little to do with jewelry.

As it turns out, "pearling" refers to the practice of implanting small round surgical steel or titanium balls under the skin of the penis. It is also less commonly done to the skin surrounding the vagina or anus. I did a little research into this, and discovered that it is not cosmetically attractive. In fact, in low lighting the pearls could easily be mistaken for warts or other signs of infection (O, how I wish what has been seen could be unseen!), and its only purpose is to enhance the non-pearled partner's sexual pleasure. Apparently, the pearled one may experience some elevation of pleasure at first, but it doesn't last, and it may actually cause the act of achieving an erection excruciatingly painful. The process is extremely painful, has a very, very long healing process (we're talking months of celibacy here readers), and, more often than not, results in an extremely unpleasant infection (which can lead to impotence, infertility and urinary, kidney and prostate damage).

Now, I consider myself fairly enlightened. I've seen Pink Flamingos. But what I cannot for the life of me figure out is why you would go through such a seemingly risky process for someone else's orgasm. Particularly when you can purchase "intimacy aids" made of molded plastic that feature pearled surfaces (and, sometimes, multi-speed motors), that you can use without months of waiting. Especially when it gives you the appearance of a nasty infection!