Traditional Thanksgiving Ham?

So we went to J's family's house for Thanksgiving. I, because I was raised properly, showed up with a French silk pie and offered to help his mom in the kitchen. His dad handed me 2 cans of green beans and the biggest can of cream of mushroom soup I've ever seen and asked me to make the green bean casserole. I have no idea how to make green bean casserole. I don't even like green bean casserole. Then we discovered that they had decided to make ham. We're still not quite sure why. It's not a family tradition or anything.

So we had a Thanksgiving without a turkey, but with plenty of family--three kids who, at one point as they were beating the tar out of J, seemed like 30 kids. Holidays are kind of a rough time, since my family live so far away. Last year, I couldn't get enough time off work to go visit my family; this year, I don't have a job and can't afford to go visit my family. It's kind of special for me to be able to spend the day with J's family, so the thing I am most thankful for this year is J, for sharing his family with me since I couldn't be with my own.

I did follow it up with my usual day-after-Thanksgiving tradition: not leaving the house. I did not get up before any sane hour to go shopping. I did not fight other people for free gifts at Express (I worked there one holiday season, and there was a legitimate fistfight over the last free red sequined clutch--Detroit is a TOUGH city!). We did end up going to Microcenter after dinner to return the Xbox 360 J bought to replace the one that was stolen, and then re-purchased it to get a free $50 gift card.

I have to say, I think Christmas shopping is probably my least favorite thing in the world to do. I hate the mall during the holiday. There's just too many people, and most of them are so focused on getting whatever they're after that they pay absolutely no attention to the people around them. I don't like big crowds, and I like them even less when they're trying to save $4 on a jingle ball sweater. And it's cold outside, so I have to wear a jacket, but it's hot inside. So I'm overheated, overcrowded and overannoyed. I am the person for whom Internet shopping was invented.

Giving Thanks

Oh, it is that time of year. Let's make a list of things to be Thankful for:

1. That J was not at home when his house was burgled last week, and that, while he lost some stuff, nothing was irreplaceable. (Please note that ferrets are not particularly good guard animals, especially when they are caged.)

2. That the price of gas went down, just as I lost my job.

3. That I have a job interview on Monday!!

4. That J's mom is a super-good cook (even better than me) and she's making dinner tomorrow!

5. Family and friends (which should go without saying).

6. That even though my roommate has been traveling a lot and is only home one day a week, she's still willing to to pitch in and pay half for the gas and electric.

7. That you can return Blockbuster Online rentals to the store, so I'm never without a movie!

8. Fat pants, after consuming 15 pounds of food on Thanksgiving!

9. Internet full of weird, weird pictures whose copyrights I can infringe upon to post to my blog.

Happy Day of Giving Thanks, all!

The Hand that Feeds? Yummy!

What do Terrence Howard, Katherine Heigl and Kristen Stewart all have in common? A real taste for biting the hand that feeds.

Terrence Howard said, while on the press tour for Iron Man, that he wished he had never started acting, that he had just concentrated on his music and focused on becoming successful that way. Well, while the four people who actually bought his album might be on his side there (and share DNA with him), the producers were not impressed by his likening acting to being with a whore--it gets the job done but it doesn't really satisfy--and Don Cheadle will be playing Rhody in Iron Man 2.

And Katherine Heigl? Where do we start? First, she trashed Knocked Up while promoting the film. Then she takes herself out of contention for an Emmy--before having been nominated for one--by saying that she didn't feel that she'd been given adequate material to deserve the nomination. Um, Katie, you stupid, stupid bitch? If you haven't been given the material, you won't get nominated and you won't have to worry about it. The result? Apparently, she's been given some asinine storyline wherein she may or may not be crazy and she may or may not be getting the boot from her show. I don't know for sure, though, because Grey's Anatomy is just so miserable a show I can't watch it.

And now, in an interview that was published in Newsday (and syndicated in Chicago's Red Eye) Kristen Stewart said of her film Twilight, which opened Friday:

Sometimes I'd be like, "This is crap. This is the worst, most trite piece of crap I've ever done in my life." I love the books, but trying to do it in real life, it doesn't translate. [...] What else does it do for me, besides facilitate me making the next movie I want to make? Nothing.

Um, what??? Granted, she's an 18-year-old girl who's made a several films, and this film is being touted as her breakout film role, but seriously, who is her press handler? Does she also not recognize that the film is based on the first of a series of four books? That means at least four more films she'd be the first choice for--if she doesn't do something retarded like call it a trite piece of crap.

What are these people thinking? Is there something going on in Hollywood where you sign over your common sense when you sign on to do a film? How stupid to you have to be to criticize the thing that enables you to pay your bills?

The Happening, Ironically

***Note: This posting contains spoilers, so if your taste in movies is bad enough that you're interested in seeing this film, don't read anymore.***

I rented The Happening, even though M. Night Shyamalan has only made one good film in his entire career, and this wasn't it. I picked it because I'm a big, big, big John Leguizamo fan, and I thought if anything could make a Shamalan film worth watching, it would be him. Unfortunately, since he wasn't allowed to act, he couldn't. Like all the other characters, he was only allowed to stare vacantly into the camera. Mark Wahlberg is a terrible actor, so it was no surprise that he was awful. Zooey Deschanel is usually good, but, like Leguizamo, the director couldn't get anything out of her.

I will admit, that the film kept my attention. The tension builds and builds and then...nothing. My guess is that M. Night probably has a pretty good sense of humor, since he titled the film The Happening and not a damn thing happens.

Here's the film, in a nutshell: In New York's Central Park, the wind blows and a bunch of people are compelled to kill themselves. This spreads throughout the "North East," from Massachusetts to Maryland (which, for those of you who know geography, is the lower North East and the upper Mid-Atlantic states) and stays entirely within the political borders of the states. The deaths are caused by a neurotoxin being produced by plants, and, whenever people gather in groups of more than 5, it sets off the toxins. People split up and try to out run it, and then it just stops. And then it starts again in France. The end.

There's a heavy-handed sub-plot where Zooey tells Mark that she worked late but she was really having dessert with a coworker who keeps calling her and their marriage is falling apart, but it's just so clunky and makes Mark Wahlberg look so pathetic. There's about 20 minutes with a crazy woman, but then she dies. I think there was an attempt at some sort of psychological something, but it was so poorly done it's not worth mentioning.

The best part of the movie? If you watch the special features, in the gag reel, Mark Wahlberg says to M. Night, "Okay, so if the house is boarded up and if it looks like no one lives there, why would we think there would be fresh groceries there?" That pretty much sums up the whole film.

Yes, Virginia, The Happening is a terrible film.

Poppin' Fresh Blog

Hello all--please let me introduce you to my other blog, Projekt Pink. This is dedicated to the reading, viewing and research for my dissertation, which I have picked back up again now that I am no longer working 10-12 hours a day.

Why Projekt Pink? Well, I like the letter K. The dissertation is also about sexuality and television, namely queer sexualities.

And I am inviting you all to look at it, read the questions I'm working with and through, offer theories and advice, suggest reading and/or viewing material and interact with the ideas and materials.

So please, come visit me at my other home on the web!

A Big, Fat Moral Question

Above are some of my favorite things--cheeseburgers, cupcakes and fries. Add a coke and you've got a yummy, yummy meal.

Of course, you've also got a meal that's not very good for me. If I eat it anyway, then I'm responsible for the heartburn and fat-ass-itis that goes along with it.

But, if I'm a little girl and someone else feeds it to me, then who's responsible for the health effects?

When I was at the grocery store the other day, I saw a girl who must have been 8 or 9 years old and about 4-foot-6. And she was wearing a women's size 16 jean (the tag was sticking out and I could see it), and even though it was the petite cut, the cuffs were folded up inside and pinned just below her knees.

This little girl probably weighed about 200 pounds, and hadn't even hit puberty yet.

But the story gets worse: She was shopping with her mom, who probably had a $300 hair weave. She was snacking on this vile-smelling microwave pizza they were giving away. In her mother's full grocery cart there was frozen pizzas, heat-and-serve dinners, lunch box-sized bags of chips, frozen burritos, and 2-liter bottles of root beer, orangeade and fruit punch--except that the orangeade and fruit punch were the soda kind that contain no actual fruit juice (and says it on the bottle).

There were no vegetables, no fruit, no fresh meats, and no juice. Only high fat, high sodium, high sugar instant foods.

The mom was heavy herself, so you could say that genetics has a role in the fact that the little girl was fat, but if that shopping cart is indicative of the diet they eat, that ain't helpin'.

Now, 200 pounds at my height is considered obese, so I can imagine that at the girl's size it's at least obese, if not morbidly obese. And her mother isn't doing anything to make her less so.

While I hope this little girl is healthy, what would happen if she wasn't. If she develops diabetes, high blood pressure or has a heart attack, whose fault is it--and will a mother who's not smart enough to give her child juice with juice in it know it's her fault? Is letting your child get that fat a form of child abuse? Should the little girl, for her own protection, be removed from her mother's care and be placed with someone who will take better care of her health?

Hot Boys

Today a list of the 25 hottest men in Hollywood was released. Travesty of travesties, my boyfriend Robert Downey, Jr. was not number one. Who was? Well...

25. Josh Duhamel
24. Matthew McConaughey
23. Will Smith
22. Christian Bale
21. Nigel Barker
20. Simon Baker (who I always confuse with Thomas Jane)
19. Jason Statham
18. Robert Downey, Jr. (ROBBED!!!)
17. Daniel Craig
16. Patrick Dempsey
15. Mario Lopez
14. Jake Gyllenhaal
13. Anderson Cooper
12. Gabriel Aubrey
11. Joshua Jackson (yay Pacey!)
10. Leonardo DiCaprio
9. Mark Wahlberg
8. Brad Pitt
7. Robert Pattinson
6. Djimon Hounsou
5. George Clooney
4. Ryan Reynolds
3. Gerard Butler
2. David Beckham
1. Josh Brolin

Okay, what??? While I'm glad to see no Jonas brothers here, why are there so many unattractive men on this list? Who decided this? Where are Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Ewen McGregor, Thomas Jane, Callum Blue and Freddie Rodriguez? How in the hell did Becks and Marky Mark get on this list? And why is Leo DiCaprio so puffy? He's starting to resemble Boy George, with hair. And Robert Pattinson and his unibrow have only been famous for like 5 minutes. Has Twilight even come out yet?

Grrr... Readers, who else is missing or doesn't deserve to be on this list (like Josh Douche-hamel)? Give me some more names! And, as a pre-participation treat, here's Jordan Catalano:

Because the best stuff always happens to me

Yesterday I had an interview with a temp agency (don't think that's going to be a particularly positive move--it's not exactly a "high-end" or "classy" agency), and, of course, it turned into a minor disaster.

As I was getting off the train, some guy tried to grab my purse. Fortunately, I was holding the purse tightly enough so that he didn't get it. Unfortunately, I was holding the purse tightly enough that, when it didn't come off my arm, it knocked me onto the ground. And it was raining.

I'm wet and muddy. My right hand is bleeding. I'm also 20 minutes early, so I run into a CVS and pick up some bandaids, then run across the street and duck into a McDonalds. I get my hands all bandaged up and dry my pants off under the hand dryer, then use the hairbrush from my purse to clean the mud off and go to the interview.

Final injury count: swelling and cuts to pinkie and ring finger of right hand; twisted right ankle; bruising to the outer arch of the right foot; scratches and swelling on the palm and back of right hand (yeah, somehow managed to injure both sides of my hand); two very large scraped patches on right knee, one of which will not stop oozing ick; seriously injured pride.

People keep asking me why I didn't call the police. Frankly, I can't tell them anything. All I know is a white guy wearing running clothes tried to grab my purse and ran away. He came up behind me, so I didn't see his face. Nothing to tell.

In other news, I had my Teach for America phone interview this morning, and I think it went fairly well. I hate phone interviews because there's no way to judge how well or how poorly you're doing, but I think I said the right things (and, more importantly, I said honest things), so I'm hoping that I'll get to have an in-person interview. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Be Vewy Quiet...I's Huntin' Paychecks

Unemployment, Day 3.

So, here's some good news: I have an interview with a temp agency on Friday. They're looking for someone to proctor exams for a law school for 2 weeks. It pays better than minimum wage...not much, but it's a paycheck and I would rather take that for 2 weeks than an unemployment check. I know it's what it's there for, but I've got all that pride and stuff, and I'd rather work. And, we'll talk more about the other things I can do and what else the agency might be able to do for me.

And here's some ridiculous news: I got an invitation from a headhunter to apply to work as a financial adviser. Me. A financial adviser. Even Ben up there looks irritated by that. (Or he's got a cramp in his hand from writing so many crappy essays.) Here are three reasons me working with money would be a bad idea:

1. I don't have any money. Since I've never had to make any major financial decisions for myself--other than whether it's worth the extra 60 cents to supersize it--I don't think I'm particularly qualified to make decisions about other people's money.

2. I don't believe that money exists. I don't know where it comes from, or where it goes, but when we're talking about needing to put billions of dollars into our economy, I can't wrap my head around it. Is there actually a room somewhere with a billion dollars in cash in it? Frankly, I think there's just this sort of idea of money that's in no way, shape or form backed up by actual coin and paper.

3. I have really, really bad math skills. Really bad. I'm pretty sure that when one is working with money, which is quantified by numbers, that being able to add, subtract, multiply and divide is a key skill to have.

Hopefully, though, something else I have in the works will come through for me. Before I was made redundant, I had applied for the Teach for America program. Tomorrow, I find out whether or not I get an interview. Watch this space.

Hulk...BORE!

I finally finished watching The Incredible Hulk today. I started trying to watch it Friday night. And Saturday night. And Sunday afternoon. And Sunday night. That's how boring this movie is.

First of all, the movie had two things in it I really don't like--Edward Norton and Liv Tyler. Ed Norton is just kind of a big weenie whose facial expression, no matter what the role or the emotion he's trying to convey, always clearly reflects that he'd prefer to be anywhere else on earth doing anything else because he's smarter and more competent than whoever else is in the scene with him. Of course, he gets out-acted by a dog in this film, so there's what I think about that. And Liv Tyler always both looks and sounds like she's very, very confused, so confused, in fact, that she is about to cry.

But, in case you haven't seen the film, here's what happens: Ed Norton is chased by the U.S. military. He turns into the Hulk. Tim Roth gets a little boost to make him super-human. He chases Ed, who turns into the Hulk, but this time protects Liv from getting hurt. Then the military chases Ed and Liv, who go to the doctor to try to cure Ed. Tim gets some of Ed's blood from the doctor and gets all Hulky. Big final showdown where Hulk-Ed and Hulk-Tim fight. Hulk-Ed wins and escapes, and then, in the best moment in the entire movie, there is a cameo by my boyfriend Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark.

The end. I have now saved you the four days it takes to watch this film.

Even more sad news

Today's a sad, sad day. Brian, the crazy be-afroed Asian has been kicked off The Pickup Artist 2. Actually, this is not so sad. Since he didn't learn Mystery's magic technique, he probably won't actually ever touch a boobie, much less reproduce.

Okay, on tonight's epic pickup adventure, first the nerds make up stories about themselves so that women would bid on them at a charity auction. The lad who won made up a story about having gone to Italy to learn wine making, but he was quickly followed by the Mormon contestant who revealed that he had left for his mission "a boy and came back a man." I wonder how the Mormon church feels about him learning how to take advantage of drunk bar hags. Just saying.

Mystery had the nerds picking up "hired guns." This means that they were picking up bikini models following a fashion show--and, shockingly enough, wingskank Tara reveals to the audience that she had earned a lot of money over the years as a hired gun (a girl who is hired to be a waitress/model/bartender only because they're "hot"). And, finally, one of the guys who had been consistently criticized for being "too high energy" and "showing too much interest" in the girls as human beings, won the challenge. How? By being himself--and agreeing to go get a pedicure with one of the bikini models. Of course, it doesn't hurt that this guy is probably the most attractive of the guys.

And then Brian got kicked off, and he was devastated. I still don't get it. Basically, Mystery teaches these boys how to be douchebags, and they love it. And other people PAY to be taught how to be douchebags. Why? All you have to do is go to Lincoln Park and you can get a demo of how to be a douche for free. And the Popped Collar former frat boy won't be biting Linda Perry (of 4-Non Blondes) look.

How I'll be spending my days...

Well, readers, Friday was my last day at work. I have officially been fired for a number of reasons, not all of which were within my control. Clearly, this sucks, but I'm mobilizing myself and I'm on the hunt for something new. And, in the meantime, I will be throwing on the ol' Storm Trooper costume and riding the el to cash unemployment checks.

I did, however, have some warning that this might be coming, so I had actually already started the application process for the Teach for America program. I'm hoping to get placed in the Chicago Public School district, making a difference in the lives of urban youth. Which I suspect will be preferable to making money for a vacuum cleaner company.

So yeah, that's my story; I'm Jobless McGee at the moment. Sigh.