How Lame I Am...

My roommate has started having to travel for her job, and so I'll be living solo for the next 3 weeks. 3 weeks of having everything in my house exactly the way I want it. I can make curry, and not have to worry about the smell bothering someone else! I can watch whatever I want on TV. I can leave my jammies on the bathroom floor! The toilet will always be closed. And just for the record, I don't prefer the toilet closed because of germs, but because I don't want to drop things into it. And because an open, gaping toilet is a little bit like an open, gaping mouth, and it brings back that primal fear all children have of being eaten by the potty.

And speaking of fears, to celebrate my first night living solo--and on Halloween, no less--I decided I would lie on the couch and watch all 5 hours of Bravo's 100 Greatest Horror Movies.

I love scary movies. I love being scared, particularly when I know it's all not real and when I turn on the lights I'll be nice and safe and all the monsters/psycho killers will be gone. Of course, I'm home alone, so to temper the fear of film, I was watching the food network during the commercial breaks. Nothing is less frightening than watching Guy Fieri eat.

But at some point, I realized, damn, I'm going to have to go to bed. By myself. In the dark. After watching hour after hour of the scariest scenes in the scariest films ever made. And I actually suspect my roommate's bedroom may be semi-haunted.

So, over the last half hour, which good old Guy on my TV, I made sure all the doors were locked, I brushed my teeth, and washed my face. I turned out the light in the living room, watched the scariest clip from the scariest movie (disappointing spoiler alert--it was the opening sequence from Jaws), watched another 10 minutes of Guy, and then went to bed.

On my way to my room, I switched off the kitchen light, leaving my house completely dark. And then, a noise.

I heard a rattling, thumping sound. So there I am, in the dark, completely frozen. What the hell was that?? Probably not Jaws, but maybe it's Freddy or Jason or Pinhead. What am I going to do??

It's the ice maker.

I nearly peed my pants because the ice maker dropped a load of ice into the bin. I am that lame.

But, in honor of this experience, my next posting will be the ten movie moments that most deeply terrified me. And all y'all feel free to play along.

2 comments:

diapers retarded said...

A. I would totally do Guy Fieri

B. That room is haunted. I can vouch for the creepiness.

C. I have dropped many a thing in the toilet over the years and think you may be onto something with that closing the lid business.

popcultchick said...

Good Christ, I hope none of those things were my toothbrush!