Wow, do I feel bad for this kid's family...

So I watched episode 2 of How to Get Crotch Rot--I mean, The Pickup Artist 2 on VH-1, on which Brian, faced with the prospect of having to choose 2 of the other douchebags-in-training to be his "wingmen" (i.e. people he would share his talent win with to make them safe from being eliminated) said the following:

"I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I feel like these guys are really like members of my family. They're like a hair on my butt."

Okay, what?

If you regard the members of your family with all the love and respect as a hair on your butt, something tells me you either undervalue your family or overvalue your ass hair.

And frankly, although I will never stop wondering what kind of women actually respond to the techniques "Mystery" is teaching, perhaps Captain Butt Hair here shouldn't be taught to pick up women on the off chance one will actually sleep with him and spread his genetic material to another generation.

In other news, Mystery gave one of the contestants a "special tool" to help him pick up women in the club--a fluffy black boa. And the special tool who got this accessory from Mystery (you see what I did there?) had no idea what to do with it. He just kind of put it around his neck and pretended he wasn't wearing it. According to Mystery, however, that accessory is "magic in [his] hands."

Okay, show of hands, who amongst us would not run from a man in a club wearing a fluffy boa?