E is for Ellen Exercisin'

So, since I have no job and nothing else to do with my days, I've been going to the gym every morning. I've been, I guess the word would be "jogging" on the elliptical machine. At this point, I'm on there for 20 minutes and am running about 1.65 miles every day. My lungs are a little burny, but I'm hoping that by the end of next week I'll be able to do 2 miles. Or die trying.

My gym, though, is kind of weird. First of all, no one works there. There used to be a guy there named Popped Collar McGee, but he was always in the tanning booth--the man had skin the color and texture of a basketball--and he has been missing from the gym for several months. And it's really small, so if there's three or more people there, it feels really crowded.

Today I got a little later start than I wanted to, so there were a bunch of people there when I got there, running along on the treadmills. The ellipticals were all free, so I hopped on the machine, put in all my settings and then found something on the T.V. to watch while I "jogged." The built-in T.V. is sort of a lifesaver for me, because I can zone out paying attention to some show and before I know it the machine is beeping at me that I'm done.

I also like the ellipticals because they're up against the west wall, and the whole gym faces to the east, so no one is watching me exercise. I, however, had full view of someone running on the treadmill in front of me. I am usually paying attention to the T.V. and not to the people in front of me, but this guy clearly forgot that there were other people in the gym and went a little crazy.

First, he started boxing the air. This is pretty normal; I see people doing this all the time, sometimes with little weights. But, then he started barking. Like, legit barking (HARF! HARF-HARF!) with every punch. Then, instead of punching, he started chopping at the air and making sharp yipping sounds that I can only assume would be karate noises (hai! yah! heayah!). I was trying so hard not to laugh that I lost my rhythm and nearly fell of the elliptical!

What could have possibly possessed this guy to start shouting while he ran? The punching and the chopping is odd enough, but when you add in the noise, it gets a little disruptive to people who are trying to concentrate on their workouts. And, surprisingly enough, a workout requires a good deal of concentration.