***Note: This posting contains spoilers, so if your taste in movies is bad enough that you're interested in seeing this film, don't read anymore.***
I rented The Happening, even though M. Night Shyamalan has only made one good film in his entire career, and this wasn't it. I picked it because I'm a big, big, big John Leguizamo fan, and I thought if anything could make a Shamalan film worth watching, it would be him. Unfortunately, since he wasn't allowed to act, he couldn't. Like all the other characters, he was only allowed to stare vacantly into the camera. Mark Wahlberg is a terrible actor, so it was no surprise that he was awful. Zooey Deschanel is usually good, but, like Leguizamo, the director couldn't get anything out of her.
I will admit, that the film kept my attention. The tension builds and builds and then...nothing. My guess is that M. Night probably has a pretty good sense of humor, since he titled the film The Happening and not a damn thing happens.
Here's the film, in a nutshell: In New York's Central Park, the wind blows and a bunch of people are compelled to kill themselves. This spreads throughout the "North East," from Massachusetts to Maryland (which, for those of you who know geography, is the lower North East and the upper Mid-Atlantic states) and stays entirely within the political borders of the states. The deaths are caused by a neurotoxin being produced by plants, and, whenever people gather in groups of more than 5, it sets off the toxins. People split up and try to out run it, and then it just stops. And then it starts again in France. The end.
There's a heavy-handed sub-plot where Zooey tells Mark that she worked late but she was really having dessert with a coworker who keeps calling her and their marriage is falling apart, but it's just so clunky and makes Mark Wahlberg look so pathetic. There's about 20 minutes with a crazy woman, but then she dies. I think there was an attempt at some sort of psychological something, but it was so poorly done it's not worth mentioning.
The best part of the movie? If you watch the special features, in the gag reel, Mark Wahlberg says to M. Night, "Okay, so if the house is boarded up and if it looks like no one lives there, why would we think there would be fresh groceries there?" That pretty much sums up the whole film.
Yes, Virginia, The Happening is a terrible film.
The Happening, Ironically
Hot Boys
Today a list of the 25 hottest men in Hollywood was released. Travesty of travesties, my boyfriend Robert Downey, Jr. was not number one. Who was? Well...
25. Josh Duhamel
24. Matthew McConaughey
23. Will Smith
22. Christian Bale
21. Nigel Barker
20. Simon Baker (who I always confuse with Thomas Jane)
19. Jason Statham
18. Robert Downey, Jr. (ROBBED!!!)
17. Daniel Craig
16. Patrick Dempsey
15. Mario Lopez
14. Jake Gyllenhaal
13. Anderson Cooper
12. Gabriel Aubrey
11. Joshua Jackson (yay Pacey!)
10. Leonardo DiCaprio
9. Mark Wahlberg
8. Brad Pitt
7. Robert Pattinson
6. Djimon Hounsou
5. George Clooney
4. Ryan Reynolds
3. Gerard Butler
2. David Beckham
1. Josh Brolin
Okay, what??? While I'm glad to see no Jonas brothers here, why are there so many unattractive men on this list? Who decided this? Where are Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Ewen McGregor, Thomas Jane, Callum Blue and Freddie Rodriguez? How in the hell did Becks and Marky Mark get on this list? And why is Leo DiCaprio so puffy? He's starting to resemble Boy George, with hair. And Robert Pattinson and his unibrow have only been famous for like 5 minutes. Has Twilight even come out yet?
Grrr... Readers, who else is missing or doesn't deserve to be on this list (like Josh Douche-hamel)? Give me some more names! And, as a pre-participation treat, here's Jordan Catalano:
