How To...

Load the Dishwasher.

Step One: Make sure that there are no clean dishes in the dishwasher. One would think this would be an obvious step, but no, apparently, there are people stupid enough to not get it.

As an addendum to this step, if you are putting away dishes that you find in the dishwasher, please ensure that they are actually clean. For example, if there are milk rings on the bottoms of glasses or ketchup stains on plates, they are probably not clean and should not be put away.

Step Two: Scrape and Rinse the dishes you intend to load into the dishwasher. If there are chunks on it, those chunks are not going to magically disappear during the wash. In fact, they will actually be broken down into smaller chunks and sprayed onto the rest of the dishes, which will then have to be rewashed.

If, in the process of scraping them, you discover something burned on (like on a pot or a pan) don't put that in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is not filled with magical elves who scrub the dishes clean while the door is closed. There is only hot water being sprayed onto the dishes, so if something is dried on or cooked on, you're going to have to wash it by hand because it just isn't going to come clean.

Step 3: Organize the dishes properly. Smaller items, such as glasses, should go on the top shelf. Fragile items, like plastic storage dishes, should also go on the top shelf, where the water is slightly less hot and and slightly less forceful. Larger items, like plates, should go on the lower shelf.

Make sure that the dishes are positioned so the dirty parts will get maximum exposure to the water. If the water comes up from the bottom, you shouldn't position, for example, glasses so that the opening in the glass is pointing away from the water. Also pay attention to the natural angles and openings in the dishwasher. The water is on rotating blades, and, frequently, the racks in the dishwasher will be angled so that the dirty sides of the dishes will be facing the water, so it's really best to follow those lines.

Step 4: Load in the silverware. Pointy items, like forks and knives, should be loaded with the pointy ends facing the bottom of the dishwasher. Most cutlery baskets have holes in the bottom, and those holes will help to hold the pointy ends steady so they get cleaner. Spoons should be placed rounded-end up, otherwise the water pressure causes them to nestle against one another and not get clean. Large items, like chef's knives or spatulas will get cleaner if they're lying flat in the top rack.

Step 5: Add the dish soap. Make sure you close the lid on the soap dispenser.

Step 6: Turn the dishwasher on. This seems like a no-brainer, but some people seem to believe that the dishwasher has a psychic connection with you and knows you want it to come on and wash the dishes.

Step 7: When the dishes are washed and the drying cycle is finished, open the dishwasher and check the dishes. If they're still wet, leave the dishwasher open a crack to help them dry. If they're dry, put them away. As you put them away, check them to make sure there's nothing dirty stuck to them. If you find something on a dish, don't put it away. Put it back in the dishwasher or wash it by hand.

Repeat the whole process!

Next time, we'll be discussing how important it is to clean up a mess when you make it. Like when you spill coffee on the floor in front of your roommate's door.